Mar/100
What parents do for a living!
The teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
“Mary, what does your parents do?”
Little Mary replied, “My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse.”
“That’s very nice,” said the teacher. “Robert, what do your parents do?”
Robert proudly exclaimed, “My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!”
“That’s very nice,” said the teacher, “Johnny, what do your parents do?”
He stood up and pronounced, “My dad’s dead and my mom’s a hooker.”
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. 15 minutes later, he returned.
“Did you tell the principal what you said in class?” asked the teacher.
Johnny replied, “Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number.”
Mar/100
Old people’s sex!
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it.
His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time . . . and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year . . . maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well how about you and Grandma now?”
His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.”
“What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.
“Well,” Grandpa said, “She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom.And she yells, ‘Fuck You’, and I holler back, ‘Fuck You’ too.
Mar/100
The chicken farmer!
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”
The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman, “OK, I’m a prostitute.”
“No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
Mar/100
Is that a paycheck in your pocket?
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about miss - that’s just my pay check in my pocket.”
“Oh really,” she spat. “Then you must have some job, because that’s the fifth raise you’ve had in the last half hour!”
Mar/100
Lesbians!
Two lesbians are walking up the street. They see a gorgeous woman who is tall and curvaceous.
1st lesbian: Oh, look how beautiful she is!
2nd: Uhmm, yummy!
1st: Look at her breasts!
2nd: Uhmm
1st: Look at her legs!
2nd: Uhmm
1st: What is this all “Uhmm, uhmm”? Can you say something else?
2nd writes on a piece of paper: “I can’t, my tongue got hard.”
Feb/100
Dont screw up!
Willie comes home from work, as he walks in the door Ethel grabs him and says “Come on Willie, we’re going upstairs!”
Willie replies “OK - That’s one of my favorite things!”
As soon as they get upstairs Ethel grabs Willie and throws him down on the bed and jumps aboard. Willie protests “Stop, Stop, We can’t do it that way anymore!”
Ethel asks, “What do you mean Willie, I like it that way and so do you.”
Willie replies “You’re sure right on that, in fact that is one of my favorite things. But if we do it that way any more I’ll loose my job.”
Ethel asks, “What do you mean Willie - that doesn’t make good sense!”
Willie explains, “The boss called me in the office today and told me - ‘Willie - You screw up one more time - and you’re fired!’”
Feb/100
Joke of the day:- Toys and tits!
What do toys and tits have in common?
They’re both originally made for kids, but dads end up playing with them.
Feb/100
Joke of the day:- Involuntary Muscles!
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”
“Sure” she said. “He’s at home, taking care of the kids.”
Feb/100
Joke of the day:- Better than pork; isn’t it?!
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork . . . but have you really never even tasted it?”
The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, “I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion.”
The rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, “I know that in your religion, you’re supposed to be celibate . . . but . . .”
The priest interjected, “Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice.”
The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while. Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, “Better than pork, isn’t it?”
Dec/090
Good Luck Mr. Gorsky
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous ‘one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind’ statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, ‘Good luck Mr. Gorsky.’
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the ‘Good luck Mr. Gorsky’ statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay, FL., while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor’s bedroom windows and Armstrong went to get the ball.
His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky: “Oral sex! You want oral sex? You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”